Dean Rexley, a city councilman from Metro City, USA, has announced his candidacy in this year’s Metro City mayoral election, becoming the first to oppose incumbent Mike Haggar since his first term. In an interview with the Metro City Generic Press that has been described variously as “insane” and “suicidal”, Rexley stated his reasons for his campaign against Haggar. “13 terms is simply too many! The only reason Haggar was elected in the first place was his ‘anti-crime initiative’. Yes, I agree that Metro City had a crime problem at the time, but Haggar took it too far. In response to requests for increased police funding, Haggar simply walked down the street killing everyone in sight, viciously beating them with lead pipes and piledriving them into the concrete, headfirst. All of this culminated in Haggar dropkicking handicapped businessman Horace Belger out of his wheelchair and through a plate glass window to a deadly 11-story drop. I mean, the man eats barbeque he finds in oil drums! Do we really want someone like this running our town?” Upon hearing this, Haggar, who had been standing at the door waiting to be interviewed, shattered the door to splinters with his trademark Spinning Lariat, threw a knife into Rexley’s face, then suplexed him four times. Witnesses report Rexley then flashed 3 times and disappeared.
(This blogger endorses Mike Haggar for Metro City Mayor.)