Reviews on Ritalin: R-Type
My friend, Mumblin’ ADHD Joe, has asked if he can write a review for me. I, being the kind and benevolent soul I am, said yes. So, pending Joe’s $200 payment, I proudly present Joe’s Reviews on Ritalin: R-Type.
(Yes, I know R-Type is 21 years old. It still kicks ass, so if you’re going to complain, just save me some time and tell yourself to eat a wheelbarrow full of flaming dicks.)
R-Type is a shoot-them-up game released in arcades in 1987. It has 8 levels, 3 weapons, 7 bosses, 987 enemies, 6,796 stars in the background, and it took me 84 quarters to beat it, which is 21 dollars, or 2,241.77 yen.
R-Type is very difficult. I spent exactly 9 hours, 34 minutes, and 17 seconds attempting to memorize the entire level so I could make it through completely untouched.
Took more medication. Slowing.
Graphics: Each ship is made of 486 pixels.
Sound: Buzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Gameplay: Game is very. Play.
(Joe then stopped writing and started staring at his pants, saying “These are out of style as of right….” before finishing 10 minutes later with “now.” and walking out of the room. I dunno where he went after that.)
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