The 10 Biggest Asshole Bosses in Gaming – Part 3
Well, the first part of this article seemed to go over quite well with all three people who read the site, so here’s part 2.
8: Death (Castlevania)
Everybody knows how much of a cock Death is. He hides in the shadows, always waiting for us. He took John Ritter from us one cold September morn. He wears a gay cloak that thousands of goth kids try to imitate. It should just be obvious that he’s an asshole as a boss, too.
And he is. Oh god, is he ever. His attacks vary from game to game, but he always makes sure to cause floating scythes to materialize and hit you ALL OVER THE GODDAMN SCREEN. These later become heat-seeking floating scythes. I mean, I get it. He’s Death. Great! Does he have to be such a dick about it?
Of course, these are the least of Death’s problems. While Death is frequently featured on “hardest bosses” lists, he’s never cited for his most serious crime.
In Symphony of the Night, Death is the first of Dracula’s cronies you meet. He materializes and gives a short speech giving Dracula’s kid Alucard a chance to turn back, since his dad is Death’s best buddy. When Alucard refuses (which is pretty ballsy considering he’s talking to the biggest mass murderer in history), Death disarms him and strips all of his clothes off.
Death is a child molester.
Biggest Display of Dicketry:
Well, outside of the fact that he violated his best friend’s kid like a hillbilly in a bowling alley bathroom, I’d say probably the worst thing about Death is that he’s one of the last bosses you fight. It seems like it’d be a lot easier if you could just kill Death and be completely unstoppable for the rest of the journey. Then again, I guess nothing else would die either. But then, they’re undead, so how does that work exactly?
Scratch that.
Death’s biggest display of dicketry is creating confusing logical and philosophical problems.
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