08.13.2009

I never updated about it, but believe me, I’ve known about it for a while: May 30th was Capcom’s 30th anniversary, and I’m celebrating my favorite non-Nintendo developer with a huge series of reviews of their games, hopefully for the rest of this year if I can keep my attention focused on it. With any luck, I’ll make it through all of them.

So, here’s my format: I’ll start off with all the big series, so I can get them all out of the way at the same time. After that, I’ll be following this list of Capcom games on Wikipedia, writing a review of each one in the same format as all my other reviews, only doing one for each multiplatform game. If I actually finish it, I’m gonna have a fucking parade in my honor.

We’ll start off with Street Fighter. Unfortunately, that means starting out with…

Street Fighter (Arcade, 1987)

Hmm.

The Street Fighter series started out with an… underwhelming performance. The basic ideas behind the series are there (1-on-1 2-round timed matches between 2 colorful characters from around the world, one of whom is always Ryu), but it’s just not the same. This just illustrates what sets Street Fighter II and it’s progeny (and, though this isn’t really on the topic, SNK’s perennially underrated fighting games) apart from all the other shitty cash-in games: gameplay as smooth and flowing as John Romero’s hair (oh wait, he cut it. Yet again I forgot it wasn’t 10 years ago.). Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of factors that make Street Fighter II better than other fighting games (and other games in general, and for that matter, most art, literature and theatre).  but the speed and smoothness of the gameplay are absolutely the biggest factor. Without that smoothness, the game feels just as awkward and hard to control as, say, Deadly Moves. And that’s not something I say lightly.

Speaking of controls, something I think is interesting is that this game had some unique (read: bizarre) buttons. Two mechatronic pads, one for punches and one for kicks, are used, and depending on how hard you hit the button, you perform either a light, medium, or heavy attack. And, logically, after people broke every single one of these machines, the pads were replaced with the familiar 6-button setup seen even nowadays on SFIV machines. I hate to say it, but that was a terrible, terrible idea. I’ve destroyed controllers just because fucking Sonic wouldn’t listen to me when I told him to fucking goddammed jump, you fucking hedgehog son of a bitch; I fear to think what would happen if the game revolved around me hitting buttons as hard as I could on a controller that cost $10,000. I’d probably be a fucking construction worker. Or maybe a senator or something. I don’t know what caused my ADD, maybe it was games.

Score: 4/10

The Street Fighter II Series (Multiplatform, SFII: 1991, SFII Hyper Fighting: 1992, SFII Tournament Edition: 1992, SSFII: 1993, SSFII Turbo: 1994)

There’s really not a whole lot that can even be said about Street Fighter II. Even that sentence I just typed has already been said over and over. I think this one and the last one are new though. Anyway, it’s perfect. There’s really not much else to say, but I’ll try.

There have been soooo many versions of Street Fighter II, and for this reason, the series (and Capcom) is often mocked. On one hand, I do agree that 6 versions of a single game is a bit much, but at the same time, few of the versions came out with just minor changes. Playing Super Street Fighter II Turbo and then going back to play plain ol’ Street Fighter II is a pretty big juxtaposition. The graphics were better, the music was remixed, the fighting became faster, smoother, more aerial, and, most noticably, there are 9 more fucking characters to play as in SSFIIT. There are also many, many technical changes, ranging from what moves can be cancelled into other moves, to entirely new moves, to new scoring methods. And yet, no version of SFII is completely superior to another. Even in different ports of the same version, there are usually little tics and differences that make each version special, if not necessary. I personally own 4 different version of SFII, not counting emulation, demos, and other such things, and I don’t regret the purchase of any of them. Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix (I would make fun of the title, but it’s kind of like making fun of a clown; what is there to make fun of that hasn’t already parodied itself?) feels completely different than the SNES version of Street Fighter II, and I enjoy both equally, because my play style is completely different; I’m an aggressive Balrog user in SSFIITHDR, and a more defensive Zangief user in SFII. Also, SSFIITHDRMALSODFMEWASDFEVZX is really really really pretty, but SFII has the classic, hilarious character portraits and such, and because I am an engine that runs solely off nostalgia, I can’t help but love that.

Street Fighter II is a such a landmark game that there’s not really anything to talk about in a standard review. It’s like Casablanca or Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band; everybody’s familiar with it, there’s nothing new to say about it, and it’s such a huge topic that you can’t really cover it in 2 or 3 paragraphs.

But because I need to pad this out, I’m creating my own Street Fighter II drinking game. Here we go:

There you have it. Be careful. Depending on who you play with, this game may cause alcohol poisoning.

Score: 10/10 (For the whole series.)

The Street Fighter Alpha Series (Multiplatform, SFA: 1995, SFA2: 1996, SFA3: 1998)

Street Fighter Alpha always gets overlooked in the scheme of things, though it’s debatable if that’s deserving or not. I mean hell, look at me. I’m lumping the whole series into 1 review. The SFA series is great, don’t get me wrong; it just doesn’t stand out in any way, unlike its dependable, always-there-for-you brother Street Fighter II, or its sexy, hard-partying cousin, the VS. series. However, despite two completely great sequels to SFII, SFA and its sequels feel the most like the logical progression of the series.

The Alpha series actually began essentially as a direct sequel to SFII, albeit chronologically before it storyline-wise. It employed a more refined version of the gameplay featured in the games before it, with a revamped super combo system and a few new moves. It also featured a few characters that hadn’t been seen since the original Street Fighter, and a couple new ones who were totally awesome (Charlie and Dan) and one who actually kinda sucked (Rose).

While we’re on the topic, I’d like to take a moment to talk about Dan Hibiki.

Dan Hibiki is Capcom’s big giant “fuck you” to SNK. He’s based on Ryo Sakazaki and Robert Garcia from Art of Fighting.  As much as I love Dan, he always makes me shed a single tear for SNK. Why did Capcom feel the need to insult them? It’s like if Brad Pitt came to your house and made fun of you for not being able to pick up girls like he does. Get this: the president of Capcom literally lives in a 3-square-mile castle built entirely of quarters earned from Street Fighter II. SNK wasted all the quarters they got from Art of Fighting in the company vending machine over the period of a month. It’s over, Capcom. You already won! You don’t need to keep kicking.

The real reason I’m not reviewing each game separately is because there really aren’t a whole lot of differences between games. The series has always been more about advancing the storyline rather than bringing in new gameplay concepts. There are some technical differences, but they really aren’t significant enough to warrant an entirely separate review. If I tried to do one for each game you’d end up with “Gameplay’s a little bit faster. New air combos. You can now cancel a dash punch into a Shoryuken.” The last thing I want to do is drown what readers I do have in technical information that interests only me and like 20 other obsessed hobbyists. What I do is already way too close to that anyway.

Score:
Street Fighter Alpha: 7/10
Street Fighter Alpha 2: 8/10
Street Fighter Alpha 3: 8/10

The Street Fighter EX Series (Multiplatform, SFEX: 1996, SFEX2: 1998, SFEX3: 2000)

“We here at the Arika company take good, old-fashioned, Capcom-style Street Fighter action, smother it in molasses, deep-fry it until it’s jagged and blocky, then serve it to you, hot and ready to be quickly forgotten.”

Score:
SFEX: 5/10
SFEX2: 6/10
SFEX3: 4/10

The Street Fighter III Series (Multiplatform, SFIII: 1997, SFIII 2nd Impact: 1997, SFIII: 3rd Strike: 1999)

Before I say anything else, I wanna go ahead and get it out of the way: SFIII took out most of the SFII roster, and it was a terrible, terrible mistake. Most of the characters were essentially the same, but they weren’t exactly the same, and that makes a big difference. Sure, Dudley’s pretty much Balrog, but he isn’t Balrog, and that makes a big difference. Ryu and Ken are there, and later they added Chun-Li and Akuma, but I want to play as Blanka, goddammit. It’s great having new characters, but removing almost all of the original characters that people have grown to love, and more importantly, to dominate with, is kind of a betrayal to everybody who had been waiting for 6 years to see E. Honda fly using ancient sumo magic in totally new environments.

That said, the game is fucking great. It’s one of my favorite games in the SF series as a whole, and while it isn’t as good for casual fighting fans or for parties, for hardcore Street Fighter fans it provides a great unique experience, and I believe if this had been the game released in 1991 instead of SFII, it would have been just as successful. The gameplay is smooth and intense, and, depending on how you want to play it, it can either be extremely, painstakingly technical or just as simple and fun as the first time you played SFII. I played the original SFIII very soon after it came out at the grocery store near my house (also where I first experienced SFII, X-Men vs. Street Fighter, X-Men: Children of the Atom, and several other games. I still shop there to this day, and I’ll never understand why grocery stores don’t have arcade machines anymore. It wouldn’t hurt to pick up an old SFII machine or something), and it happened to be just around the same time I was really learning how to really play fighting games. I managed to learn Dudley pretty quickly (I’m a Makoto player now, for what that matters), and managed to start dominating the various people I played against (admittedly, they weren’t very good, so it’s not like I was a prodigy or anything). As much as I loved SFII before, learning how to actually play a fighting game through SFIII was a major part of the path that eventually led to me competing in a tournament 11 years later. If I hadn’t learned to play from SFIII, I’m sure it would have happened with another game eventually, but I did learn it from SFIII, and that means I’ll love it forever.

Score:
SFIII: 8/10
SFIII 2I: 8/10
SFIII 3S: 9/10

Street Fighter IV (Multiplatform, 2008)

Fucking perfection.

This is easily the best game in the series since there were 10 letters in the abbreviation. Having learned from the mistakes made in the years since SFII, Capcom took everything that was great about the series, distilled it, and created the greatest fighting game of the last 14 years. SFIV is not only every bit as satisfying and addictive as SFII, it’s even as fun to bust out at parties, which is more than can be said about SFA or any of the other subsequent games, although that may just be because both games feature most of the same characters.

If you’re ever bored at a party and have access to to SFII or SFIV, try this: write down every character’s name, shuffle them, and draw them out of a hat. Play as whoever you draw. It’s extremely simple, but, for me at least, it’s never failed to entertain everybody at the party. Pulling people out of their element and making them play as, say, Zangief or C. Viper, is incredibly entertaining.

There’s really not a whole lot else to say, because there isn’t much about this game that can be summed up with “perfection”. I will say this, though; I think this is going to be the first game in the series that won’t have ten update releases. No one seems to have noted this, as odd as that seems, considering they’re all so eager to make totally original and never-before-heard jokes about how each Street Fighter game has so many small updates every time they talk about the series. Now that we’ve got DLC and patches, I doubt there will be any justification for releasing a “Street Fighter IV: Hyper Deluxe” or the like. It seems strange to think that technology has moved ahead that much in 18 years… but not as strange as it does to think that it’s been 18 years since stopping a Beast Roll with a Hadoken became a reflex.

Score: 10/10

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08.03.2009

First of all, yes, it’s been fucking forever. Second of all, it’s 5:30 in the fucking morning and I’m tired, so if I come off as grumpy, go fuck yourself in a barrel. Third of all, here’s some information on the Nine Unknown Men in my game.

So, I posted this character sheet like 4 months ago:

Remember those guys? I said I would describe each one in the next couple of posts. So, now that four months have passed, it’s time to talk about them.

But first, some information on what in the hell they have to do with the story. Basically, the plot of the game is that Cyrus, a young farmboy from a small town (as RPG heroes tend to be), has been unwillingly roped into being a hero. He’s been charged with the task of finding eight of the Nine, who have been out of touch for many years, by the Sage of Cosmology, who just suddenly appears and fucks Cyrus’s life up. Due to his powers, the sage is privy to some knowledge about the future and is doing what he has to do to save mankind, which means essentially screwing Cyrus out of a normal life. Finding the rest of the Nine becomes the primary goal of the game. Unfortunately, the person who seems to be responsible for humanity’s downfall, Hitogoroshi, becomes aware of these plans, and attempts to stop Cyrus and the Sages from saving the world.

In Navaratna, the Nine Unknown Men are nine parts of the same group acting completely independently, with no knowledge of each others’ whereabouts and actions, and the only thing that really binds them together is the source of their work. As a result, they know very little about each other, and as a result, Cyrus has to search them out. Fortunately,  this is an RPG, so he’ll be able to, now with 60% more dungeons. Just like in the legends, the Nine work for the good of mankind, doing everything within their considerable power to prevent humanity at large from blowing its own dumb self up. Each of the Nine is in charge of his own discipline of knowledge, and keeps a tome of all the knowledge they’ve collected. Let’s look at each character and their discipline individually:

9UnknownMenPhy

This burly motherfucker is the Sage of Physiology. He knows all that kung fu shit, and will mess you up if he has to. He created judo, and can do a literal touch of death, like in Fist of the North Star. Generally, he likes kicking ass, training to kick ass, chasing women, and drinking. Basically, he eats dynamite, shits lightning bolts, and generally isn’t a dude you want to mess with. His name is Hank Chuckrock. It used to be Cameron Whiteley, but he karate chopped that shit into a much manlier name.

9UnknownMenAlc

This is the Sage of Alchemy. As you can see, he’s got a fucked up face. Thanks to various failed attempts to create Aqua Vitae (Water of Life), his body and face have been mutated nearly beyond the point of being recognizably human. Despite this, he’s eternally chipper and good spirited. This is good, because if he was bitter, he would transmute the shit out of everybody he saw into, like, trees or something. He can do that, you know.

9UnknownMenCom

This sexy little number is the Sage of Communication. She’s not dressed like this because she’s a whore or anything, she just realizes that people are more willing to listen to beautiful women than they are to anyone else. She could explain calculus to a dog, and that dog would then construct a rocket and fly to the moon. She can communicate with anyone, anywhere telepathically, she talks to aliens, and she can tell you where you grew up just from reading your body language. Also, bunny ears are adorable.

9UnknownMenBio

This is the Sage of Biology. He’s one suave son of a bitch. Tall, strong, handsome, well-dressed, well-spoken, and brilliant, he puts James Bond, Doc Savage, and most of all, you, to shame. He’s in charge of the secrets of biotechnology and microbiology, including biomechanics, bacterial nanomachines, viruses, and the such. He’s one of the few sages who simply hides in plain sight, crusing around the Old Countries in his supercharged Aston-Martin, wining and dining beautiful women, saving small villages from voodoo zombies and ape men, and above all else, doing science wherever science needs to be done.

9UnknownMenCos

You know how in anime there are often characters who are really grim and purposeful? Well, that’s the Sage of Cosmology. Don’t worry, though, I promise he’s not just a stock character. He’s got a few surprises up his sleeve. For example, did you know he’s a fan of country western troubadours? Of course you didn’t. Ok, that isn’t true. But, because of his research and knowledge, he’s nearly omnipresent, able to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. He can travel instantaneously, go from dimension to dimension at will, travel to alternate universes, and even through time itself. For a number of very complex reasons, though, he’s losing control over these powers. You know Dr. Manhattan, from Watchmen? Same kinda deal. He exists in the future, the past, and the present at the same time, and has a completely altered view of time, motion, and even reality itself. As such, he’s not exactly the most stable person to be around all the time, mentally or physically. However, he is the sage who is responsible for roping our beloved hero into this quest, and the one who will serve as a guide and mentor, so don’t hate him or anything. Just… try not to stand too close to him if he starts glowing.

9UnknownMenLig

This adorable little mystery is the Sage of Light. No one has any idea exactly who or what he is or used to be, or even if this is his true form. He has learned how to keep utter and complete control over light, and appears to be completely composed of it. He can concentrate it as a very powerful laser, bend it to become invisible, alter colors, increase or decrease the speed of light (even stopping it in midair), or even form it into shapes. Very mysterious, but everyone who’s met him has said he’s very sweet and childlike, although a bit bitter that everyone seems to be afraid of him. You’ll love him, trust me.

9UnknownMenGra

The Sage of Gravitation, Captain Flynn, has completely transcended the need for walking. He can fly. Be honest, as cool as all the other powers the sages have, you know you’d probably want to be able to fly most of all. In addition to being able to just straight-up lift off the ground, he knows how to build a Vimana, the mythical Indian UFOs of yore. These use no energy, make no noise, and can travel at nearly the speed of light. They’re also capable of interstellar travel. Additionally, he can invert gravity, which tends to either fuck with people’s heads, or, depending on where they are, kill them. However, as commanding and militaristic as he is, he’s also clumsy and generally pretty nice. He’s also got that cool helmet, so that’s a plus.

9UnknownMenSoc

Finally, this friendly old scholar is the Sage of Sociology. Unlike the other sages, he’s actually out spreading his knowledge as a professor, although making sure not to allow too much out. He’s known as the hardest teacher at his school, albeit the nicest one. He enjoys having tea, baking, predicting the downfall of mankind and its civilizations, and chess. His knowledge doesn’t have many direct applications, but at the same time, much of the rest of the Nine’s work goes into preventing what he predicts from happening. He has charted civilzation for many, many years, and knows the secrets of human conflicts and interpersonal relationships, and as such, is the only one who can help prevent them.

Ok, now that you’re done going up and counting how many people I just talked about, yes, number nine is missing. I have a good reason for that. The Sage of Psychology is a complete mystery to the rest of the group. No one has any idea what he looks like, and everybody who has met him has described a totally different person. They have met with men, women, children, and even animals that claim to be the sage. As such, no one is sure about the true nature of the sage, and it’s possible that any of those making claims about being him are correct. However, it’s equally possible that none of them are correct, and that the whole illusion is a complete mindfuck on the part of the real sage. You see, he’s able to do that, because he can get inside your head and do whatever he wants to it. He’s like Hannibal Lecter, but much, much more powerful. He has the ability to control entire populations of people with the stroke of a pen, and to persuade anybody to do his bidding. Or, again, maybe he doesn’t, and he’s just good at making himself appear able to. It’s all a mindfuck, man.

So, hopefully, that sheds a little light on what in the hell is going on in this game. I have much more planned out than it probably seems based on what you’ve read, but I’m trying hard not to release any of that information. I’ve taken in 103 hours of Lost in a 2 month period, so I could destroy you with plot twists right now if I wanted to. I’ve been making a lot of progress on it recently (one of many reasons I haven’t been updating; I promise there will be plenty of updates soon), so hopefully I’ll be done with it this year. I know that seems like a pretty easy goal, but this motherfucker’s gonna be long. Trust me. I’ve got a lot of story to write.

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