Letters to the Mayor from Irate Citizens of Simcity.
Mr. Mayor,
I’m writing to you about a problem that I feel is very serious in Simcity. Why are there so many plane crashes? It seems I cannot go a single day without my work commute cut off by the burning wreckage of a 747. I have lived in several towns, including Metro City, Willamette, Silent Hill, and Tampa Bay, and while all these towns had their problems (particularly Tampa Bay), none of them, or any other town I’ve even heard of, has had a problem with frequent plane crashes. Perhaps most disturbing is the fact that these plane crashes began literally the same day you took office, and only seem to stop when you go out of town. I am especially concerned about this issue because Simcity doesn’t even have an airport. I fear to question a man who seems to be able to pull airplanes from the sky, but what connection, if any, do you have to these crashes? Are you Jacob? Am I a candidate?
Sincerely,
42 - Fischer
Mayor,
I would like to address the current state of our transit system. Namely, that the roads in our town cause a 6% increase in the level of pollution. I would like you to completely dismantle the road system in our town and replace it with railroads. As you have complied with my previous requests to build 6 nuclear reactors to fit the energy needs of our 20,000 citizens and to cover every last area of earth in our city’s zoning area with park ground, I feel assured you will respond to this request in kind.
Thank you,
Brian Davis
Dear Mayor… ???,
I didn’t vote for you. In fact, although I like your parks intitative, and therefore would have loved to have voted for you, I didn’t see your name on the ballot. Or on any campaign advertisements. Or even on the city register. I can’t seem to find any proof of exactly who you are, and everyone just seems to call you “mayor.” Why do you not have a name?
Signed,
James Phillips
To: Mayor
From: Advisor
Re: Suggestions
This city needs a massive overhaul of its power industry. Please replace the old coal plants with nuclear reactors.
Crime and fires are too rampant in this city. Please increase police and firefighting budgets by at least 600%.
Simcity could also use a new stadium. The 2 we have are nice, but you know.
We could also use a brand new international airport. Also, a massive new seaport.
The city only has 4 amusement parks. Please build more.
We should build a massive, gleaming, solid gold statue of Mario, from the popular Super Mario Bros. video game.
Also, many citizens are not happy about the level of taxes in this city.
Let me know when these problems are solved.
Thank you,
Dr. Wright
Dear Mayor Dong Wrangler,
This is Mike Haggar, and I’m pretty fucking pissed. I’m the mayor of Metro City. I know you know that, because I saw your note referring to me as “Mayor Faggar.” Do you know who the last person that called me that was? It was state senator Todd Burkett. Oh, you’ve never heard of him? That’s probably because I convinced my friends in the probate court to put out an order changing his name to “Baron Fagcock von SerialRapist.” His wife left him, he lost his re-election campaign, he couldn’t get hired anywhere, and now he sits under the bridge on the interstate drinking varnish. Oh, wait, one of my aides just let me know that he jumped off a building. Serves him right.
So I heard you have problems with giant lizards attacking your town! You better hope one of them takes out your fucking house, because so help me god, if I find out where you live, I’m going to eat you, shit you into every toilet in your house, and then light the septic tank on fire.
Your pal,
Mike Haggar
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