My Mario Paint Problem.
This is going to be a short article, mostly because having to fucking rewrite yesterday’s article took up so much of my time, and I really am busy with finals coming up next week.
However, it will make up for the length with complete lunacy. You see, I have a “problem” with Mario Paint. Actually, not just with Mario Paint, but with any game that allows you even the slightest degree of creativity. Whether it’s a game show that allows you type in your own answers, or a completely freeform creative application game, I go completely fucking bonkers with it. I’m talking really crazy. Like, this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S crazy.
Look at this drawing I did in Mario Paint:
What is that? What is going on there? Why is Mario’s head so big? Why is there a ladder to a terrifying God? Why are that cactus and that elephant playing a prank on that Koopa Troopa? And, for that matter, why did they turn him into a tiger as a prank? That seems a bit overboard. And how did they do it? Cacti and elephi can’t turn things into tigers. Were they granted this ability by Mardok, Lord of Terror over there? And seriously, why is Mario’s head so big? What is he even doing there? He doesn’t belong there.
I do this every time I’m given any degree of freedom in a game; it’s always a terrifying look into my mind. And apparently I’m not the only one who does that:
That’s terrible! And yet I would probably do something worse.
Maybe that’s why we’re given godawful shit games like Dante’s Inferno instead of anything creative. Maybe the game industry is trying to save us from ourselves, before we turn each others’ skin into lampshades.
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