Jack Tretton said today that there may be a shortage of PS3s this Christmas. You know, just like how it was “impossible” to find a PS3 in 2007.
Fucking give it up Jack. Maybe if every single thing you said wasn’t a blatant and intentional lie intended to trick people into thinking that the PS3 is doing well I would believe you.
I feel like I should note that my hatred of the PS3 is not in any way influenced by a predisposition toward the Wii or Xbox 360; indeed, I really really wish the PS3 would start succeeding. In fact, I don’t even really think it’s hatred of the PS3, because there are plenty of things I like about the system itself. It’s really more hatred of Sony and all their PR bullshit and constant, nonstop lies. I’m also extremely frustrated that so many PS3 fans live in a complete fantasy world where they manufacture triumphs for the system entirely in their heads and slavishly support exclusives regardless of the quality of the games simply because they don’t have anything else to be excited about. Other systems have been miserable failures, but only Sony has insisted continually that their miserable failure is successful and great. Nearly every new feature or exclusive has been awful (see: Home, Heavenly Sword, Qore, Killzone, Resistance, Haze, inFamous, Lair), and it’s depressing, because people just continue to eat them up and insist they’re good simply because they feel like they have to be good. The PS3 has seen it’s share of brilliance too, especially LittleBigPlanet, MGS4, Eye of Judgement, and Uncharted, but it’s hard to justify paying for an entire console for so few good exclusives, however great they may be.
Hopefully, someone at Sony will come to their senses and just execute Jack Tretton in front of an audience of people. Maybe then I’ll consider buying a PS3.
One of my favorite video game characters ever, the Prinny from Disgaea, is getting it’s own game, “Prinny: Is It Ok If I’m the Main Character?”. I don’t have anything funny to say about this, I just think it’s awesome.
Oh, wait, I thought of something.
If you have a problem with this character having his own game, I hope you fall in a river and drown.
Sony is so desperate for LittleBigPlanet to help Solid Snake carry the entire PS3 platform that they’re going to inform EVERYBODY about it. Seriously. They’re going to send out postcards to everybody in the hopes that the information about the game will be enough for people to buy a $400 game system to play it, Metal Gear Solid 4, a handful of bad exclusive games, and the shittiest version of every multiplatform game. Oh, and Blu-Ray discs. Let’s not forget those! Everybody would be happy to buy their entire movie library they just bought 5 years ago again to watch them in slightly higher fidelity.
I don’t mean to shit on LBP. It actually looks pretty awesome. I’m just frustrated by the PS3. I had a lot of respect for Sony until they lost their fucking minds immediately before the release of the PS3. All of a sudden, it seemed to be a game for the Playstation division executives to make the worst mistake they could possibly think of. It’s not just that they were cocky; I can understand that, the PS2 was a fucking force of nature. If you were born between 1990 and 1998, you were pretty much issued one at birth. No, the thing that really bothers me is that they believed they were completely infallable. Any mistake they made was automatically not a mistake, even if they have to lie about what happened. Sometimes they just make stuff up, like when Jack Tretton said it was impossible to find a PS3. They were there! He had to have known that! Or maybe he’s so out of touch with reality he just never leaves his office. Or, even better, maybe Sony set up a fake world inside the SCEA building so that he thinks he’s walking home and living a regular life, but in actuality paid actors are coming up to him pretending to love the PS3. The most likely answer, however, is just that’s he’s an arrogant asshole trying to make up fake information to appease stockholders who are seeing how miserably the PS3 is failing.
In reality, though, the thing I hate the most about the PS3 are the fans. Not the regular fans, or people who just bought it to complete this generation’s trifecta, the hardcore fans who try so hard to delude themselves and others into thinking everything’s ok. They’re like an abused spouse. “No, Sony didn’t MEAN to do that. It’s not their fault, we’re just not buying enough systems. They only act like this cause they love me. It’s gonna get better… everything’s gonna get better. Once they get their rumble feature back. They just got off to a rough start. They won’t do this again. I… I just wanted to play Bioshock… oh god, they’re releasing it! You have to leave, Xbox 360. They’ll kill me if they find you here!” How hard is it to just admit the damn thing’s a failure? I’ll just say this: my favorite game of all time is Earthbound. It was a colossal failure. It’s much more popular now than it was when it was released 14 years ago (goddammit I’m old). It doesn’t change anything I like about it to admit it failed! It did, and I acknowledged that and moved on. Have some fucking dignity, PS3 fans. Call it a “cult hit”. That’s what we Earthbound fans do. Quit embarrassing yourselves.
Sony’s new subcription-based advertisement service, Qore, is now available. Qore (which is oh-so-delightfully close to being called “queer”) is only $25 for 13 1-to-2 hour advertising segments a year.
Order now and receive a free download of David Jaffe’s Calling All Cars!
David Jaffe on Calling All Cars reviews:
“Fuck you, guys. Go fuck yourselves. What other developer makes a fucking change to a game when a review (IGN’s in this case) has a good, valid point and is willing to open the fucking code up at the risk of more bugs to make the game better? Amazing.But hey, you guys are great, you guys rock. I hope Kotaku fucking puts your ass out of business, wanna be fucktards. And if you were actual journalists you would have read the motherfucking quote I posted on NEOGAF where I said because of the two bugs we needed to fix (not because I was afraid of the bargin bin) we had a window of opp. to fix the magnet problem. Assholes…total fucking assholes. ”