Capcom Babies. For the first time, I am jealous of infants.
Oh my Jesus.
Look at these.
I am going to go produce 1 baby and dress it in nothing but these onesies until they will no longer fit.
Unfortunately these don’t seem to be for sale. Tragic. I had almost talked the wife into the whole pregnancy thing.
Today is Updating Madness Day
To paraphrase Yngwie J. Malmsteen, I’m about to unleash the fockin’ fury. I’ve started school recently, and getting up way earlier than I’m used to has resulted in me having a ridiculous amount of pent-up energy that I have no way of getting rid of but to write. So, I’m going to write a ton of shit today (this being comparative to my usual output, so this may only be a few posts). So… here that goes.
Le Twittre
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have succumbed to the pressures of this modern world and have created a Twitter account for this website.
www.twitter.com/catchynamenews
Feel free to track, or follow, as the jargon goes, updates made on the site from there. Additionally, I’m going to try to post something daily, because I have a lot of energy and nowhere to put it currently. Well… I can’t promise I’ll try, but I’ll try to try.
That is all.
Thank You Sega.
NOTE: I don’t really have anything funny to say here, and my writing is all over the place because I’m incredibly stressed and running on a mere hour of sleep. I’ll probably end up waking up tomorrow and deleting this post because it’s terrible, so make sure to read it while you can.
Sega just announced (and by “just” I mean a week ago) that they’re releasing a new Sonic game which, god willing, will actually be a Sonic game, rather than a furry-pandering circle-jerk. It’s 2D, HD, and fast… kind of like this was a year and a half ago. Nonetheless, I am totally hot for the idea of a new well-made 2D Sonic game. Honestly, I’m just as hot for the idea of a well-made 3D Sonic game, like the original Sonic Adventure; it’s just that in 10 years Sega has repeatedly proved themselves completely unable to deliver on that front. Hell, even Sonic Adventure 2 wasn’t very good (mainly because it was Tails and Knuckles Shitty, Stupid Adventure, and not really Sonic Adventure).
But, hopefully, all that is about to change. Sega has finally, FINALLY admitted that the Sonic games have basically been shitty lately.
I’d like to take a second to note that I feel bad about linking to Destructoid. I hate them so much, mostly due to their ridiculous tendency to make ultimate, total, and obviously incorrect statements. For example, in this article when they state that Sonic’s credibility is finished, which will likely be fixed by this game, and also in this article when they state that “the destruction of Sonic’s legacy is currently making them money, and why would they stop that?” The answer to that question is because it fucking isn’t making them money, and that attempting to cash in on the 2D games is the only way they’re making money. God I fucking hate Destructoid for that exact reason. They’re the Fox News of gaming journalism. Ugh. My writing is terrible today. Random tirade over.
So, with this admission, not only is Sega admitting that the major underlying problem with the new Sonic games is that they suck, they’re also completely caving to my worldview, namely that older games are infinitely better the newer games. Hopefully other industries will follow, and we’ll start seeing Surge and Pop Quiz Popcorn hit the stores again.
So, I guess that’s all I really had to say. Thank you, Sega, for recognizing and admitting this terrible problem you have. Admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery. Don’t worry about coming to the party I was throwing for you. It was just an intervention.
Earthbound Strategy Guide!
I can’t really flesh it out into a real post (although I’m trying to figure out a way to), but I just wanted to let you fuckers know:
I just picked up a mint condition copy of the Earthbound strategy guide, INCLUDING the scratch n’ sniff cards…
for FIVE DOLLARS.
I already own the game, and a slightly messed up copy of the guide, but this is a very, very rare find. If this tells you anything, the guide, in MODERATE condition and without the cards, can go for up to a hundred dollars. I’ve never actually seen a copy that still had the cards in the back, so I don’t know how much they increase the price by.
I may review it later, just because I enjoy looking at it. In the meantime, I’m just gonna look at it.
Red Faction: Guerilla – My Sick New Addiction
There’s really not a whole lot to say about it, but the demo for Red Faction: Guerilla dropped a few days ago on the 360 Marketplace, and I’ve played it over and over and over since then. It’s absolutely remarkable how fun it is to destroy a building wholesale with nothing but a sledgehammer. There’s something primally appealing about driving a truck through a building, then detonating a remote mine and causing the entire thing to collapse. I fear that I will one day be able to purchase this game, as I don’t know that I would ever recover from a month-long binge of it.
Volition is one of my favorite current developers, and this game demostrates exactly why. Overall, a lot of elements of the game aren’t particularly strong, for example the driving mechanics, and the gunplay, but, as with Saints Row 2 and it’s equally satisfying grab-and-toss mechanic, the world’s first game with ACTUAL fully destructible environments manages to transfix me in a way that few games of this generation do. Again, like with Saints Row 2, I don’t think the game is good, in the way of your Bioshocks or your Half-Lifes, but it is incredibly fun, and as strongly as I believe in video games as an art form, I think there’s definitely a place for games like this. Expect to hear more from me when I get an opportunity to play the full version.
No recent updates. Surprised?
Well, it’s happened again. I’ve stopped writing as much. Believe me, I’ve npt forgotten, I’ve just been incredibly busy/stressed. Currently I’m updating from my iPhone because the power went out. Knoxville has been experiencing flooding of fucking biblical proportions. Also, I watched a few episodes of Lost for the first time. As a result, I’ve had to watch pretty much the entire series, which has left me too distracted to write. As usual I am behind the times. Anyway, a few quick updates before I start working on regular posts:
• I am still working on reviewing games. I actually have a few written, and as soon as I have lightning in the lightning holes that power my computer box again, I’ll work on getting them posted. Upcoming reviews include the Kirby series, some Genesis fighters, and a feature-length Mario Paint article/review.
• I’m also still working on my game. I’ll have some more diary articles on some stuff, including story info!
• I’m working on an article on game music that may be fleshed out into a series of articles. Anyone who knows me personally (as well as anyone smart enough to read this website and realize how much of a fucking dweeb I am) knows that I’m a virulent defender of game music as a genre, and that I have a massive collection of it at my disposal. I’m writing the article as a treatise on how much incredible music has been released in this format and then ignored because people won’t take the medium seriously, the few successes the genre has had, and how the genre as a whole has changed in the last few years. It should be pretty good, I guess, whatever.
• I’m going to try to do some work with news that’s actually current. I joke about living in the past, and really I do, but the main reason I stopped doing news-based updates is because I mostly wrote at work, and their fucking dystopian web filter prevented me from getting to any gaming-related sites (except G4, presumably because they own it, but hell, even I have standards). Now that I’m unemployed that shouldn’t be a problem. Hurray economic problems!
• Lastly, I’ve been writing some reviews to be used in… AN UPCOMING VIDEO FEATURE. That’s all I’ll say right now though.
Feel free to bitch at me if you want. I’ll just start writing now.
Developer’s Diary, 5/5/09: My Writing Process and Maps
Still chugging away on the story elements.
In the meantime, I thought you might like to see my writing process.
There isn’t one.
I start at the beginning and when I’m done, I’ll know it. I’ve always written everything like this. Ever since I was a young boy I’ve been told that the correct way to write is to work out an outline, then a rough draft, then an edited copy, then a final copy. I’ve always felt like that’s total bullshit. Yeah, it might make some things a little better, but when I take the time to sit and work all of it out, it hurts the work overall. Nothing fits together as well, and it’s much easier to write (dialogue especially) when it feels like I’m finding out things at the same time as characters. It’s hard to explain, but it’s a lot easier to think of the way people would react to someting that’s happening if I don’t know everything that will ever happen to them.
One result of this is that my maps don’t get made until they’re necessary. Check out the current world map:
It seems a bit sparse.
As the story moves on, I will of course add more to it. I just don’t need any more continents at the moment. My continent bag is full.
There is a reason for the peculiar shape of the island up top, though. It’ll all be revealed soon enough.
1994 in Gaming: A Retrospective
We’re about 3 months into 2009, and as our thoughts turn to the year that’s to come, I, as always, am turned around ass-backwards looking at stuff that happened 15 years ago.
That’s right, January 1st marked the 15th anniversary of 1994, long reputed by me to be…
The Greatest Year in
Gaming History.
I’d like to say that this is a nostalgic reminder of times long forgotten for me, but it just isn’t so; I think back about 1994 all the time. I was 6 and impressionable, so practically everything about that year made a huge impression on me. Here are some things that were important to me, and also to you, unless you mongle cock:
The Zenith of the Genesis
Although it’s never really noted by anyone other than EA Sports enthusiasts, Sega was kicking ass ninja-style in ’94. Some highlights:
Nintendo’s Year of the Cartridge
Yeah, yeah, I know, it was an advertising concept to deter people from thinking the CD was superior. Whatever, doesn’t matter. The SNES raped its competitors in ’94. Raped them to death. This brief list showcases just part of what is essentially the cornerstone for my love of 1994…
- Blackthorne and The Death and Return of Superman became 2 of the last games Blizzard would make before they discovered a secret knothole in the forest that led to the World of Warcraft. They made a couple of games about it. You may have heard of them in obscured forums and such.
- Final Fantasy III (VI Japan) was released in October, and is still my go-to game for people who doubt the Final Fantasy series. There are many cliches and problems associated with the series (which I personally don’t mind, but see complained about all the time), but this game managed to transcend all of them. Notably, it is missing the following things:
- A main character with giant ridiculous hair
- A miserable, sullen main character who hates everything
- A main character of any kind, for that matter
- A ridiculous sword of some kind
- An obvious love story (!!!)
- A battle system marked by 3-4 menu options and tedious repetition
So as you can see, that removes a great deal of the things that people stereotype the series for. Instead, FF6 boasts an original story, an incredible soundtrack, uniquely beautiful graphics, one of the best fictional villains ever, and what is likely the best script of the series. Before I get into a bitchy rant about how much I hate the modern games press’s handling of the Final Fantasy series, let’s move on to a game which is basically the polar opposite of Final Fantasy in every possible way except quality…
- Home Improvement: The Game.
- No, seriously though, it’s Super Punch-Out!!. Just like the first game in the series, anytime I fire up an emulator without any specific intentions, I’m probably starting this game. I can literally be entertained by simply making up a story for the game. For example, when I beat Gabby Jay by a regular KO without taking any hits (which is most of the time), I like to think that, rather than a regular knockout, Little Mac had simply beaten him to death with his bare hands. A TKO with Bear Hugger? No, I simply punched him so hard it caused his rectum to prolapse. This ability to create my own story is all thanks to a combination of some very well-drawn characters and some of the most bone-crushing hits I’ve ever seen in a game. I love the first game, but this is the game that makes me consider the Punch-Out!! series to be the most deserving of a new entry. Hopefully, the new Wii game will be just as violent as the storylines I made up about Little Mac’s brutality and ferocity.
- Mega Man X came out in January. I would say that it restarted and breathed new life into the series, but that’s not exactly true, because that series was still running like a freight train as far as I’m concerned (Mega Man 6 was released released shortly afterward, which is pretty difficult to fathom). That doesn’t change the fact that Mega Man X still rocked faces with it’s awesomeness. Still my favorite by far in the X sub-series, Mega Man X brought an unheard of smoothness and speed to SNES platforming. A deeper storyline and some new characters really brought the entire Mega Man series into the new age of gaming, when stories really started becoming the core of games. Also, it had Mega Man doing a hadoken. And that’s awesome.
- Donkey Kong Country was released and made people wonder why they were even thinking about 32-bit systems. It looks great even now, and is an absolutely immaculate platformer, easily one of the best ever. I can’t think of anything else interesting to say about it, so here’s this: Donkey Kong rhymes with MONKEY DONG.
- Super Metroid was released in April. This is actually a pretty unique memory for me, because to be honest, I didn’t completely understand Super Metroid, or its predecessor, for that matter. I knew the gameplay was fun, and there was something to do, but I just couldn’t figure it out. It wasn’t from a lack of trying, though. I played the original Metroid for hours at a time, and rented Super Metroid all the time (it wasn’t until much later that I bought it). I mostly just ran around in circles, killing things, finding hidden passages, and getting pissed off at the absurd amounts of damage some enemies did. I even had a walkthrough for Super Metroid and I still couldn’t figure it out. It didn’t keep me from loving it though. It wasn’t until years later that I found how incredibly deep the gameplay in the game was. It’s now one of my favorite SNES games, and I didn’t even really grow up with it, at least not in the way most people did. That alone makes it deserving of inclusion in this list.
I would not be half the gamer I am today if it were not for the early-to-mid 90s. I love the whole 8-bit generation, I really do, but I don’t see how anyone could consider any generation to be the golden era of video games but the 16-bit generation. Of course, we don’t have to define eras so narrowly. I think the golden era lasted a few years before and a few years after that generation, and in 1994, that generation was at its brink.
IMNOTe
In perhaps a fitting way to end the year, Sony’s Playstation was released in Japan on December 3rd, 1994. It would be another 8 months before it reached American shores, but the message was clear: 1994 was the swan song of the 16-bit era. It was also in some ways the end of gaming’s innocence; in the years to come, games would become more mature, flashier, and based almost entirely on space marines. Simple, childlike games would (for the most part) be on their way out, leading to retarded 13-year-olds talking about how they don’t want to play anything colorful because it was “too kiddie”. Even at the time, at 6 and 7 years old (and in the years to come, and even now), I realized how fucking stupid this argument is. If you don’t want to play a game because it looks like it’s for kids than you are a fucking tool. There’s no way around it, no exception to the rule. You are insecure with your mental state. It’s kind of like the guys who beat women, work out all the time, and relax with a hot shower in the community male-only bathrooms at the gym. They’re obviously gay, and you obviously have trouble with people thinking you’re immature. Now, thanks to these asshats, we have brown, boring environments that are hailed as “beautiful enough to make a grown man cry”.
1994 may have been the apex of 16-bit gaming, but Nintendo and Sega still had some tricks up their sleeves. Earthbound, Chrono Trigger, Comix Zone, Super Mario World 2, Ristar and many others were still waiting to be released. 1994 may be gone, but it left an indelible mark on myself and many other members of my generation, and the aftereffects will be seen for years.
Oh, apparently games were also released in the arcades and for PCs in 1994. I’ll, uh… get to those later.
…and apparently you play as Persian Magneto.
