Earthworm Jim HD for XBLA: Fuck Yeah
As you may be aware, Earthworm Jim fucking rules. Although this is a truth that is always timely, it has become even more so recently, because a badass remake is being produced for XBLA by Gameloft. That’s right, THE Gameloft. The ones responsible for major hits like Paris Hilton’s Diamond Quest and Grey’s Anatomy: The Mobile Game! However, despite the fact that they cranked out a lot of unmistakable shit, they were also responsible for the pretty-great XBLA releases Prince of Persia Classic and Uno, so hopefully it won’t be too bad. Not many details have been released, but I can say this definitively: it’s pretty. Look at this:
The character and background models look fantastic, so I’m willing to ignore the poor redesign and shading used on the stick and the ground. Hopefully that’ll be cleaned up before it’s released, although I’m pretty sure it won’t be. Who the fuck cares, I’m going to buy it regardless of its sticks.
The only problem I have with this release is that I was not personally informed. I bought all the action figures, for Christ’s sake. It’s the least they could do.
Duke Nukem 3D Releases on XBLA Wednesday
And I think they should call it Duke Nukem Forever.
Basically I’m just updating about this to posit my theory that George Broussard is actually dead. I believe he died in 1996, soon after the release of Duke Nukem 3D. He was judged by his maker to go to Hell and be punished for the rest of eternity. Beelzebub, the Lord of the Flies, told Broussard “for your sins in the World of Man you shall be tortured for all time! Because you were so proud of your creation, your ‘video game’, you shall be forced to make Duke Nukem… FOREVER!”
Now George Broussard is stuck on a neverending cycle of creating an entire game from scratch, dropping the engine, recreating it from scratch, dropping the engine again, and so on and so forth for eternity.
Braid Came Out.
So, this game Braid came out. If you haven’t heard about it, it’s because nobody on Earth had heard of it until they announced it would be $15. At that point, people completely lost their shit over the price of something they had never heard of to begin with.
First off, let me say that my experience with the game is based solely on the demo, because I found nothing in the demo that personally warranted a purchase of the game (at any price, not just $15).
Braid is really confounding. It’s very difficult for me to form a real opinion on it. On one hand, nothing I’ve played really felt particularly innovative or unique, since most of the mechanics in play have already been seen in other games. The art style, while decently pretty, is nothing to reach sexual climax over, as many critics would have you believe. It just looks like a watercolor painting. It’s nice, but not amazing, and the idea of designing a game in the same style as a “real” visual art form has been around forever.
(As an aside, it’s really amazing that the game looks as good as it does, seeing as the visuals were designed by David Hellman, responsible for the MS-Paint-esque art from shitty webcomic/pretentious horseshit A Lesson is Learned But The Damage is Irreversable. I guess he does have talent, even if it doesn’t show up anywhere in his comic.)
Even though the game isn’t particularly innovative, it is pretty fun. It has some seriously awesome puzzles, especially the Donkey Kong themed level. Designer Jonathan Blow clearly has the spirit of a gamer. I think this is what really sets him apart from most “art game” designers: he actually gives a shit about games and, more importantly, has actually played some. The phenomenon of art games has been receiving more and more attention lately, but Braid is the first one I’ve played that is a game in any way, shape, or form. I personally don’t see the point in using a “unique” medium for any type of art unless it benefits the art. Most art games are really godawful, with nothing but a smugly pretensious message and an utter lack of gameplay value, only “games” in the sense that they receive tactile input and interpret it to do something else. In other words, they are as much games as driving a lawnmower is a game.
Braid manages to avoid this by giving us a reason to see the message the game has. That said, a lot of the first part of the game is just filler. I wouldn’t even consider it a game until the second world. It might as well say “This portion for critical and award consideration only. Please bear with us; your game will begin shortly.” at the bottom of the screen. This put a bad taste in my mouth, somewhat akin to licking a hippo’s asshole, until I reached the end, whereupon a totally fucking rad dinosaur came out and and said “I’m sorry, but your princess is in another castle”. This intrigued me just enough to keep playing, and I discovered a pretty damn fun puzzle platformer.
I’m not going to really go into too much detail about the game outside of this, because I don’t think that, having only played a demo, I have sufficient credentials to review it.
Well, actually, journalistic ethics have nothing to do with it. I just don’t want to incur Jonathan Blow’s wrath. Motherfucker can show up anywhere, at any time. I hear he’s the ghost of a pirate who died 500 years ago, and haunted around California until he decided it was time to do something with his life, went to college for a programming degree, and created a game, only to haunt blogs and forums about his game.
