It’s Official: I Was Right. Also Official: Alienware Sucks
You may recall that yesterday, I said Alienware’s announcement that would “shake the gaming world to it’s foundation” would be another overpriced computer. Well, guess what.
Alienware just announced a new gaming laptop.
WELL GODDAMN! THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING! WHO COULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT SOMEDAY A GAMING PC MANUFACTURER WOULD RELEASE A FUCKING GAMING PC? NEVER IN MY MOST FEVERED FUCKING DREAMS WOULD I CONSIDER SUCH AN UNIMAGINABLE FUCKING SCENARIO HAPPENING! THIS SHAKES ME TO MY VERY FOUNDATIONS! I JUST CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT! NEVER WILL THE GAMING WORLD BE THE SAME AFTER WITNESSING A SLIGHTLY MORE POWERFUL FUCKING LAPTOP!
Does this piss anyone else off? Am I the only one who thinks that gamers should rise up against the Alienware PR department, tearing them limb from limb like a group of zombies who have finally caught the cheerleader/minority they’ve been chasing for so long? Maybe it’s just me.
Alienware’s PR people like to make asses of themselves. In that vein, they’ve announced this morning that they’re going to make an announcement that will “shake the gaming world to it’s foundation”. Of course, that won’t happen, because it’s just going to be another new computer. I know this because they always do this when they’re releasing a new fucking computer, and every time everybody just forgets that this is the same thing that happened last time. It’s akin to McDonalds announcing a “groundbreaking new hamburger that will stupify the quaking, unworthy masses we’re going to unleash it upon”, then revealing a hamburger with, get this, mayonnaise.
Aside from the extremely likely announcement of their new computer which is slightly faster: to the max, it’s possible they may be announcing something else of no concern, like a new content delivery system or a “gaming netbook” or something, but honestly, I doubt even something that mundane is what they’re referring to.
Additionally, as Joystiq reader rbtroj pointed out, the current page source on the Alienware website contains this:
“meta name=”description” content=”Official Dell Alienware site for new allpowerful gaming laptops and desktops . Sign up to be the first to view these new custom high performance gaming laptops and desktops.”"
Doesn’t necessarily confirm it, but I really wouldn’t be surprised if that was just a new brand name for their overpriced machines.
Fucking Alienware.
Also, my completely off-base theory I’m holding out hope for is that the wording of the announcement was literal, and Alienware is planning to cause the collapse of hundreds of offices for game design and publishing companies, perhaps via some sort of weather machine. I think the ridiculously high prices of the machines could be justified if it turned out that the excess funds were being used to fund mad science.
