…and apparently you play as Persian Magneto.
(Sorry about the long delay. Moving and organizing. Also, I’ve been conquering the moon.)
As I’m sure you’re aware, many things really piss me off. I have an opinion on just about everything, mostly completely uninformed and unjustified. Of course, I’m still right. So, in celebration of my extreme temper and severe mental imbalance, I present a new, completely original, never been done before series: Things That Piss Me Off.
First up: Brooding Anti-Heroes.
How many times is fucking Wolverine going to be made into a shitty game character? I love Wolverine. I do! But I’m so tired of playing as shitty ripoffs of him. The worst part is they can’t even usually get that right. For example, look at the restarted Prince of Persia series. After the first game, Ubisoft decided the game wasn’t fucking stupid enough, so they turned the game from a clever puzzle game into a shitty brawler, and turned the Prince into the 15-year-old assclown in a Disturbed t-shirt who fucks up your order 4 times in a row at Taco Bell.
I admit, playing as Ghandi wouldn’t be fun either. He doesn’t have to be a saint, but I don’t care as long as it’s not Kratos. I fucking goddammed hate Kratos. He’s the most generic, run of the mill video game character I can presently think of. Except, of course Marcus Fenix.
If there was a video game cliche book, Marcus Fenix would be on the goddammed cover. Shit, it’d probably be named after him. A buff (!), bulky (!!), brooding(!!!) space marine(ARGHHHHH) with a gritty voice and some serious attitude. Add a retarded weapon (a chainsaw rifle… Jesus.) and you’ve got the epitome of… the same goddamn character we’ve seen since 1993.
(So, hopefully everyone enjoyed this entry. I mean, of course you enjoyed it, because I’m awesome, but hopefully you weren’t bothered too much by the irony of me creating a generic complaint article to complain about generic characters. HAHA I MADE FUN OF MYSELF NOW YOU CAN’T)