Fuck yeah, APB
It’s no big secret that I love sandbox games. I wish it was a secret, because to a hardcore gamer such as myself, adoring such games is tantamount to treason, indicating a commonality with those casual gamers and 13-year-olds who are just so beneath me and my more refined tastes. What’s next, enjoying a NASCAR game? This patrician view of gaming tiers really doesn’t mean anything, though, so I admit it; I absolutely love sandbox games. Good ones, like San Andreas and Saints Row. Note that GTAIV isn’t in that list. Reviews be dammed, the game really isn’t that good. As I’m sure I’ve said before, the game world seems incredible to a non-player, but once you actually jump in and play it, it gets kind of tedious having to drive for 30 minutes, in real-time, every time you fail a mission, which happens a lot, because the cars in the game control like the tires are made of banana peels coated in Astroglide. That said, the multiplayer was absolutely amazing. Even in Free Ride mode, where there are no real objectives, it never gets boring.
This is why I’m excited about APB; it looks like it’s pretty much a massive version of the GTAIV multiplayer. Developed by my heroes at Realtime Worlds (responsible for the original GTA series, Lemmings, and Crackdown, which I have espoused the joys of before), APB looks like it will be the MMO that finally gets me hooked. Assuming, of course, that I can play it; the game is currently slated for release on the PC and the Xbox 360, but only the PC version has an actual release date. Perhaps this would be a good time to ask you folks to buy me a video card. And throw in some RAM, while you’re at it.
Additionally, there are beta signups available on the APB website. Someone sign up and tell me how it is. Then invite me to your house and let me play it.
Final Fantasy XI’s New Boss: The Virginator
You know, I really don’t know why people keep making fun of MMO players. They’re always stereotyped as people with nothing better to do than sit and right click on stuff for hours at a time. It’s so unfair!
Oh wait.
As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, Final Fantasy XI has a boss that a raiding group played against for eighteen hours before giving up because everybody was throwing up and passing out. Granted, most MMO sessions end in me throwing up and passing out, but that’s just due to an unrelated drinking problem.
Keep in mind, this is at least 18 hours. This boss hasn’t been beaten yet. Presumably, you will receive some sort of reward for beating this boss. Obviously, since you’d likely have to be leveled pretty high to beat it, odds are the reward wouldn’t really be experience. Also, if I spent 18+ hours killing a monster in an MMO, and only received XP and gold, I’d spend the next 18+ years in jail, because everyone responsible for that lost time would pay it back in bloodshed and tears.
This is what I hate most about stereotyping: seeing the stereotyped people emphatically live up to, or even try to surpass the accusations levied against them. This absolutely bugs the hell out of me, especially with gamers. The few who shit in buckets so they can sit in front of an MMO 24/7 don’t just make me sick at how much of a worthless waste of life they are, they actively cause nongamers to have preconcieved notions about our hobby that simply aren’t true, and that causes problems for all of us individually. It’s kind of like gay stereotypes. Nearly every gay person I’ve known or been friends with have been completely normal people, they just happen to be attracted to a different gender, no different than how some guys like blondes and some like redheads. But the only type of gay guy you see on TV is the screeching snooty fashonista who hits on every guy he sees. And then we wonder why so many people hate gays? I would too if they all acted like the Queer Eye guys!
And it’s exactly the same with MMO players. Most of them are well-adjusted people who enjoy playing WoW or something in their free time, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But what do you see all over TV? People shitting in socks and living in squalid dumps so they can make pretend money all day long.
I can understand people getting really into a hobby. Hell, I run a fucking gaming blog, it’s not like this I’m a stranger to this concept. But you have to prioritize. I’m married, employed, I’ve got a nice apartment, nice car, and I’m getting ready to go to college for a journalism degree. Do I want to just sit and play Actraiser all day? Fuck yeah I do, sometimes. But I understand there are other things in life. I’m a musician, I write, I go on dates with my wife, I go bowling with my cousin Roman, I travel back in time to save my mom from being crippled by my father’s invention (the password is LARA) then Robo gives me an item that automatically brings me back to life once. I can separate my hobby from reality!
Seriously though, these wastes of life are a fucking blight on this Earth. If all you do is make everything worse for other people, then why do you even exist? That’s why Hitler ki- Hey, where’d my Google Adsense ads go? Hey… my… my host just dropped me. What the hell?
