Random Reviews – The Adventures of Rad Gravity
The Adventures of Rad Gravity has a funny Wikipedia entry. It says that the game had “a wacky storyline,” and that Activision inserted “humorous antics” into the game. While this is true on the surface, the article fails to recognize a very important element of the game: the fact that it is about a goddamned space psychopath. The game tries to make it out like you’re just a big headed, silly space hero, and at first that seems to be the case, but when you actually play the game, you realize that you aren’t firing your “space phazor” at “alien replicoids from beyond the moon” or some silly camp stuff like that. Look at the title screen:
It looks like a fun, silly space game. Everything is cool, you get your text opening, and you beam down to a planet. Everything seems cool:
Wow! It almost seems cute! Who could think something like this is sick? After you beam down you end up on some planet.
Hmm, this city seems a little dirty, sleazy even, but I’m sure it’s just a weird design. Also, have you noticed every cyberpunk work always has neon lights with Asian characters in them? It’s a fact. I wonder why people in 1993 thought Asian type would be the chief written language in 1997. I guess that’s the kind of odd delusion you get when you set impossible future fiction 4 years in the future, like so many cyberpunk artists did. For something so cool, it had a fuckload of problems. Like cyborg Billy Idol.
Anyway, everything looks totally (wait for it) RAD (FUUUUUUCK YEAAAAAAAH PUNS) until you try to attack an enemy. Look at Rad now:
It’s hard to tell with that screenshot, but that isn’t a laser or something. That is a knife. Not a space knife. Just a fucking fixed-blade knife. Rad Gravity isn’t a fun campy hero. He is a goddammed space psychopath. I can’t even figure out why he went to this planet, except to stab MC Hammer backup dancers. I guess that’s pretty respectable, but still, a knife? He could at least use a gun, make it quick and painless. If you kill someone with a knife, you fucking enjoy it.
Anyway, this game is fairly decent, I suppose. I can’t figure out any point to it other than to brutally gut a bunch of space Vanilla Ice rejects. It’s nice to see where games like Manhunt got their start, though.
Score: 5/10
(I know I promised an article every day. And I’m sure most of you expected me to break that promise very, very quickly. Technically, I did not have a substantive article up on 4/19. However, I published it before I went to sleep, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s close enough to “on time”. Hopefully the waiting increased the enjoyment. Otherwise, I’ve got no case.)
