Things That Have Been Pissing Me Off Lately – Part 2
Ok, this one’s going to be kinda short, because it’s not too bad, and I can’t really justify stretching it out.
It really, really bugs the shit out of me when people tell you how many games they’re planning in their “new series”.
Was that too short? I guess I should elaborate.
Nearly every original game that comes out anymore is part of a “series”, according to the developer.
You don’t have a fucking series until you release more games. This is where the problem lies: one game is produced, and in the lead-up to the game, the reviewer is talking about how the game is part of this huge, never-ending series, but when the game comes out, it’s immediately evident the game’s not going to get one sequel, much less 12, and furthermore, that they really obviously haven’t even planned out past one sequel. What’s wrong with just releasing a game and seeing how it goes? Is it a requirement that you have to be a pretentious asshole, or are you just using it as an excuse for not finishing the goddamn story the first time? I would say to look at A New Hope (Star Wars) for an example of how to finish a story satisfactorily while leaving it open for a sequel, but it’s pretty obvious developers have been looking at it, since they keep ripping it off.
But I guess I can’t think of any series with good storylines that haven’t been a “planned series”, other than Mega Man, The Legend of Zelda, Final Fantasy, Mario, Sonic, Dragon Warrior, Lufia, Castlevania, Metroid, Ninja Gaiden, Mother/Earthbound, and several others, so maybe I’m the one who is wrong here.
Things That Have Been Pissing Me Off Lately – Part 1
(Sorry about the long delay. Moving and organizing. Also, I’ve been conquering the moon.)
As I’m sure you’re aware, many things really piss me off. I have an opinion on just about everything, mostly completely uninformed and unjustified. Of course, I’m still right. So, in celebration of my extreme temper and severe mental imbalance, I present a new, completely original, never been done before series: Things That Piss Me Off.
First up: Brooding Anti-Heroes.
How many times is fucking Wolverine going to be made into a shitty game character? I love Wolverine. I do! But I’m so tired of playing as shitty ripoffs of him. The worst part is they can’t even usually get that right. For example, look at the restarted Prince of Persia series. After the first game, Ubisoft decided the game wasn’t fucking stupid enough, so they turned the game from a clever puzzle game into a shitty brawler, and turned the Prince into the 15-year-old assclown in a Disturbed t-shirt who fucks up your order 4 times in a row at Taco Bell.
I admit, playing as Ghandi wouldn’t be fun either. He doesn’t have to be a saint, but I don’t care as long as it’s not Kratos. I fucking goddammed hate Kratos. He’s the most generic, run of the mill video game character I can presently think of. Except, of course Marcus Fenix.
If there was a video game cliche book, Marcus Fenix would be on the goddammed cover. Shit, it’d probably be named after him. A buff (!), bulky (!!), brooding(!!!) space marine(ARGHHHHH) with a gritty voice and some serious attitude. Add a retarded weapon (a chainsaw rifle… Jesus.) and you’ve got the epitome of… the same goddamn character we’ve seen since 1993.
(So, hopefully everyone enjoyed this entry. I mean, of course you enjoyed it, because I’m awesome, but hopefully you weren’t bothered too much by the irony of me creating a generic complaint article to complain about generic characters. HAHA I MADE FUN OF MYSELF NOW YOU CAN’T)
